Some days you wake up and your husband tells you he wants to be a weed infused juice salesmen. Nothing more. Nothing less. Trust me I know what it sounds like but at the same time this is the same husband who told me that King Tut was an alien whose head was an over-sized oblong sphere, hence the headdress. That’s not a joke, although I know it sounds like one. And yet somehow I found that absolute nonsensical jibber jabber somewhat endearing. At least I did in the beginning.
Honestly I wish his sudden burst of excitement toward all things THC related came as a shock because it would have made the actions that followed his excited utterance more palatable. It was not. Nor were the somewhat erratic but on brand antics that followed anything short of par for the course of the emotional roller coaster I’d ridden for the past 8 years. Yes I said 8. Some of them were fun. Others not so much. And others so depressing I could do nothing but work to find some semblance of the person I was before I met My Past.
Truth be told I can’t blame him fully. Correction, I can’t blame him for being an outlandish dreamer because his ability to dream big with reckless abandon gave him an edge, that everyone else I dated the 8 years preceding our divorce, just didn’t have. In hindsight, you know with it being 20/20, his inability to do the work needed to even touch the tip of his craziest dream should have been the sign that told me to run. But, stupid is as stupid does.
And I can’t tell you exactly what I said to him after he dropped the bomb, but I do know I asked if he planned on doing this moving and shaking research (you know because in order for him to be a weed infused juice salesmen he would need to travel back and forth between states where marijuana is legal, namely not our home state of PA) during the got damn 2020 Zombie Apocalypse? To which he told me absolutely and walked out muttering about my lack of support and that I complained when he didn’t tell me things and now he was sharing and I still complained.
In my defense, he opted to have this conversation during my only 10 minute work break between Zoom meetings with very little ability for me to process. Under the most normal set of pressure I perform well, but as we all know now, 2020 was anything but normal. I am not going to say I failed him in that moment but I am going to say that I’d barely caught my breath from him getting fired a month or so earlier, this weed juice admission was just a bit too much.
And to be fair, My Past getting fired, or let go, or plain being jobless for any stretch of time wasn’t something new. In some ways maybe I did fail him, but there’s so much context that’s needed for you to fully appreciate how my emoticons danced that day. There is so much to unpack…I think I’ll start with his letter to me shortly after we parted ways on the Strawberry Mansion Bridge. That pre-final conversation was absolutely the most real I’d been with him in years, hell it was probably the most real I’d been with myself. But still his letter is the best place to start this journey.
Sip some tea with me. Drop a comment in the box below. Remember to share is to care and hashish.
Click here to read the letter.
Wow. Just wow. All I can say is I GET IT! As you know, I am in a crazy situation myself and I know I am going to find this blog to be truly cathartic! Thank you for the honesty and willingness to “put it out there “. I know it’s old and worn but YOU GO GIRL!
Thanks Pam. I’m going, LOL! I truly believe it will be therapeutic in a lot of ways to finally be able to tell my story. It’s been pent up for years and I’m burning to share it, if not for me for so many other people who are experiencing it themselves. Through this process I’ve found so many sisters in arms. Although that is unfortunate it also feels like community.
If this wasn’t me 20yrs ago!!! Wow!! Its eerily familiar.
The eve of my wedding, me and my ex had a knock down drag out in the barracks!!! It was WILD!!!! AND that too was the beginning of the end!!! Why did I go thru with it???? I paid for everything and I was in Scotland by myself and would be for 4 more years, and didn’t want to be the girl with the scarlet letter on base. It seems like such a lifetime ago. Yes, I seen the signs, but yes I ignored them. This will bring you some closure. Yes its gonna hurt, but your supporting cast is AMAZING. can’t wait to see more!!
Chile I know about paying for everything. In hindsight that should also be a sign that the guy with potential can also be the guy who is freeloading. We win some we lose some…the real question remains why do we stay? By the end of this blogging cycle you will have insight into why I stayed but it is my hope through these stories others will start to examine why they stay.
And you’re right my supporting cast is BOMB. I am missing a few that I may go back and add.
Congratulations on faithfromphilly
A good opening read. All I can say is speak your truth and cleanse your heart ❤️. On any circumstances should a man/woman especially married be subjected to that type of an ultimatum. Keep living, learning and evolving into the woman God has set forth for you to be!
Continued success,
THIS means a lot to me for so many many reasons. All I can do is speak my truth. It’s a truth that so many relate to I had to put it to words. Not only does it help me heal but I know others are healing right beside me.
Ultimatums are relationship killers…it’s never good to force a person into a corner.
This story is uniquely your own and at the same time, so familiar. Thank you for your candor. I know someone who needs to see this will read it!
Thank you for coming to my space on the innerwebs to support. The more I tell my story the more I realize how alone I’m not. For so long riding the ride I felt like a solo passenger. It was the shortest fastest almost decade of my life that ended with legal paperwork, a whole house, and bunch of shared stuff I purchased. Not that I’m complaining because healing, LOL. But seriously I know this is cathartic and it’s my hope that through the laughs others are healed too.
Thank you so much for your transparency Faith. All I see in this story is a strong woman who went through a storm but has found her sunshine. Congratulations on starting this blog. I look forward to next week 🙂
Hi Kiersten, thanks for stopping by my little space on this here innawebs. I am happy to be on the opposite side of the storm, trust me. Next week should be interesting indeed. You’ll get to peel off another layer of this story that is sure to be a whirlwind. As I sit back and pull it all together, sometimes it feels like fiction but as they say real life is always stranger.
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